Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part X

The main point I wish to convey here is that the problem solving, linear/logical mind, as powerful and important as it is in taking care of our bodies/minds/psyches in our daily lives can, ironically, get in the way of the healing that we seek. It creates huge barriers of judgments, prejudices and dismissiveness when it comes to things outside the narrow spectrum of “acceptable” or quantifiable “reality.”

The logical mind seems to have no trouble on the “playing field” of well defined rules and codes of behavior. For example, in games of sport, there are agreed rules and codes of behavior, with well defined boundaries of “play.” This is something that is engaging and naturally attractive to the mind, because, win or lose, it all makes sense to the mind.

In the realms of medicine, there are massive systems and structures in place that have scientifically tried and proven treatment protocols that have had amazing success. However, with certain illnesses/diseases, such as with Lyme Disease, cancers, autoimmune diseases, etc., science has yet to discover definitive cures.

In my experience with Lyme Disease, in a strange (and even weird) way, it showed me a different way of “looking” at my disease. Initially, my mind desperately wanted to follow a step-by-step medical protocol, to take a regimen of pills and be healed. it wanted a return to “normalcy.” However, I saw and experienced it as a vampiric entity that embedded itself in my body/mind/psyche.

This showed me aspects of the mind that, on one level, has a natural affinity and attachment to familiar patterns in the environment. It is very quick to recognize and judge what it likes and does not like…and what it does not like, or what challenges its predominance, is quick to judge, size up, label and dismiss.

On another and perhaps deeper level, Lyme Disease and especially my “conversation” with the Lyme Entity showed me an aspect of mind far outside the spectrum of normal/familiar for me…and yet any reactivity and quickness to judge and to dismiss the experience did not come up, which proved to be an important part in my ultimate healing.

I came to understand that having strong and quick judgments about things that made me uncomfortable or ill, fostered a dismissive and abrasive mindset that had a way of shutting down my energetic field…which contributed to agitation and restlessness…things not conducive to healing.

In my own healing from Lyme Disease, I cannot say with certainty that the healing protocols that I followed led to my ultimate healing. There seemed to be some unquantifiable intervening steps that took place that created the “perfect storm” of a “healing crisis.”

What I mean by this is that in all the major and minor protocols that I explored and followed, the final one led me to the jungles of Peru to partake in a very strict Uchu Sanango Dieta, during which I was in isolation for eight days, administered to by only the Shaman.

Now, Uchu Sanango is considered one of many “ordeal” medicines by the Shamans of Peru and for me it proved to be the most painful experiences of my life. In my work with other plant medicines, I was quite familiar with strong purgative medicines…but Uchu Sanango was way beyond anything I had experienced before!

Please pardon the following graphic/gross descriptions of my experience. Do not read the following if you are queasy… but I feel it is important to include in my narrative.

On the second day, a number of hours after drinking my cup of medicine at 3am, I had the purge of a lifetime! It was so violent and unrelenting that at one point I was gasping for air, during which at one point the timing of vomiting and breathing in coincided. I breathed into my lungs a large quantity of vomit (medicine and bile) that had been in my stomach for hours!

The pain was so intense that I went into visionary state wherein I felt the Lyme Entity leave my body from the top of my head, like it was being unwound from my shoulders, neck and head. This occurred with facial contortions and vocal hissing. Although I was out of my mind from the pain, there seemed to be a part of me that was able to observe and remember every part of the experience.

My thinking about the experience is this: the searing heat going through my lungs and body made it too inhospitable for the Lyme Entity to remain.

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part IX

In my experience with the Lyme Disease “entity,” even though it was far outside the “zone” of what was familiar, I did not question for a second whether it was “real” or not, because, although I was quite conscious and aware that I was having a “non-ordinary” experience, it seems that the need (or perhaps capacity) to ponder the validity or non-validity of the experience just did not come up. It appears that the linear/logical, questioning mind was rendered inactive.

There is an important point to consider here. In the “physics” (the accepted science) of the linear, logical world the above experience would most likely be dismissed as a hallucination of the feverish mind and, to me, a great opportunity would have been lost if I had concurred.

Let me explain: The mind will oftentimes resist, avoid or dismiss what it cannot make sense of, define, categorize or label…and this reactivity can unfortunately take an abrasive and dismissive approach when it comes to the wild “ramblings” and “hallucinations” of people deemed “unstable/ungrounded.” It appears that the linear/logical mind can be quite “territorial” (and even combative) in defending its predominance. In other words, the logical mind wants well established and agreed upon parameters of “acceptable reality.”

In quickly dismissing such experiences, the opportunity to see the world (and any potential value of the experience) through a very different lens of perspective would have been lost.

To me, the question regarding whether or not my experience was a hallucination or not is not so important. I’m ok with thinking that it was all imaginary…but that’s not to say that the objects of the “hallucination” were not “real” or without value. They’re just vibrating at different frequencies, perhaps not within the “bandwidth” that our bodies reside in nor within the range of our normal waking state.

In this way of thinking, all thoughts and objects of our imagination can be thought of as “real” from an energetic perspective. The important consideration is whether or not they have the power and consciousness to uplift and help us…I certainly know from my own experience that certain thoughts (imaginary or not) have the power to hurt/harm.

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part VIII

As mentioned before, I don’t believe there is a “one-size-fits-all” approach to healing, especially with “tricky” and insidious illnesses such as Lyme Disease. For me, Lyme Disease forced me into a very different mindset and approach to healing, as it became very apparent early on that the “standard of care” that my doctors suggested and prescribed was not going to work for me.

I think it would have been good to work with a “Lyme-Literate” MD, but at the time I could not afford to do so…and so I searched out and explored many different modalities, with varying results. During that same time period, I spoke with a number of individuals who had come to a place of healing, which gave me tremendous hope that healing was possible.

One of the “shifts” in mindset that occurred for me with Lyme Disease has been in approaching and thinking of the disease as not just a bacterial infection, but also as an intelligent (and vampiric) entity that had taken up residence (uninvited) in my body.

Now this can understandably be a bit much to accept for many individuals and that is fine. The subtle point I wish to convey here is that I believe an important component of my healing required a “breaking down” of the “hard shell” of my mind and all the strong attachments, expectations and patterns of my world view: my sense of how the world worked…that this is real, that is not real, etc.

Lyme Disease seemed to blur the boundaries of my “reality.” It forced me into a very different mindset that “softened” my beliefs and strong attachments, allowing glimpses into fine nuances of visceral experiences. This is the “nice” way of putting it.

Perhaps a more realistic way of describing my Lyme experience is this: it kicked my as$ and f**d up my mind to such a degree, that I saw, felt and experienced an aspect of reality that I may not have experienced otherwise.

I came to an understanding that there are so many levels and layers to healing! On one level (perhaps the most superficial), my mind wanted to be able to just take a regimen of antibiotics and be rid of Lyme Disease…or to follow some healing modality/protocol that would prove to be the “magic bullet” of healing.

I suppose my previous “normal” experiences of going through illnesses such as the flu, colds, injuries, etc. colored my expectations of how I wanted Lyme Disease to proceed…that if I rested, followed certain protocols, etc., that I could expect healing to follow.

However, with Lyme Disease, nothing felt “normal.” All of the familiar aches and pains of the body seemed to involve a layer of “weirdness” that included the hearing of voices, demonic dreams, over-sensitivity to lights, etc.

My mind desperately wanted a return to “normalcy,” to not have to deal with all the “messiness” of what was outside the boundaries of its neat and tidy spiritual “world view.” Lyme Disease seemed to open a window into realms of darkness/sorcery, vastly different than what I could have ever imagined or expected.

While in those dark realms, it seems that the mind/consciousness cannot operate/function in the same way as it is capable of in normal “waking” body consciousness. The physics of that realm are just very different. For example, in my experience of the Darkness, there were some paradoxical aspects to it. It was a darkness that was so dark that it seemed to “shine” and that it was a darkness that was blacker than the “blackest black.”

Of course, it does not make sense to the mind that operates in the physics of the familiar world. It cannot accept or fathom the idea of a darkness that is blacker than the blackest black. In the realms of our Earthly physics, the description of this “darkness” can only be rendered in metaphors and philosophical abstractions.

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part VII

When I speak of the “hard shell” of my mind, it is the mind that attaches fiercely to sense of identity, to patterns of the world that are familiar, secure and “normal.” It wants the security of being able to survive in the world, as well as to make sense of its place spiritually.

In struggling with Lyme Disease, of course I wanted to be rid of the painful symptoms and I would have been very happy if the regular course of antibiotics worked. But this was not to be. My mind desperately wanted a return to “normalcy” of health. Instead it was plunged into realms of demonic entities and sorcery!

Now, I wanted to believe that I had an “open” and knowlegeable mind regarding spiritual and “demonic” realms and that I had a strong grounding (and experience) of such things from all the years of meditative discipline in the ashram.

However, life (and ultimately Lyme Disease) shook and thoroughly pulverized this naive belief (in my spiritual world view) that served for so many years to give me such security and solace.

I don’t believe that any amount of meditation, calling/praying on the Gods, Gurus, Angelic Guides, etc., could prepare me adequately for entry into those demonic dimensions. I wanted to think that if I ever had to move through such realms, that I would just call on God, Christ, the Angelic Guides, etc., and I would be protected. After all, I spent many years of my life in the practice of calling on Divine Protection, help and guidance.

However, what I had not expected (or thought possible) was the power of certain entities to withdraw from our minds the memory of how to call for help, or that Divine Help was even available. In previous experiences, I found that most entities have very little power over us, and it was just a matter of calling on the Divine to halt these unwanted intrusions. But then…there are some very powerful entities that seem to require a higher level of protection….Divine Grace!

To me, from the limited human perspective, Grace showed up as a most subtle, microscopically thin lifeline during the darkest of nights. It came unbidden as I had lost all moorings of how to call for help, how to call for Divine Protection. I was thrust into a demonic realm so horrifying and devoid of any spiritual (or human) reference point. All capacity for rational (or spiritual) thought seemed to be sucked out of me. I remember an entity jumping on my chest digging its claws into me. I then lost sense of who I was or where I was. There was only dark, paralyzing fear!

As mentioned, help came unbidden…and from unlikely sources. In my delirium of fear, I saw/heard a male lion come to my aid, ferociously defending me. I also heard a voice command three times, “Satan, get thee behind me!” This broke the initial onslaught, but I was totally spent!

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part VI

Perhaps the idea of an intelligent Lyme Disease “Entity” is a bit much to accept…and that’s fine. This is just how Lyme Disease showed up for me and how, ultimately, required a kind of medicine “Spirit” strong enough to “extract” it.

However, no matter how an individual struggling with Chronic Lyme Disease comes to a place of healing, the main point I am endeavoring to impart is that dealing with the complications of Lyme Disease seems to demand a radical shift in how we listen and feel on the inside…learning to tune into vibrations and sensations beyond the “radar” of what we’ve come to view as “normal” and “familiar.”

For me, there was so much about Lyme Disease that was outside the realms of what was “normal” and familiar. Certain aspects of feeling “flu-like” symptoms, arthritic pains, exhaustion, etc., were familiar, but the hearing of voices in my head, strange sensations, hallucinations, seeing into demonic dimensions, etc., were not in the norm of my life experience!

As much as I wanted to believe that Lyme Disease was a bacterial infection that just required a regimen of taking antibiotics (doxycyclene), I realized early on that I was dealing with a “pathogen” that required on my part a radical shift in how I approached disease and healing.

In a way, the “hard shell” of my mind (and all its beliefs and assumptions regarding the world, got “cracked” open to realms and experiences very different from what I had come to consider normal and familiar.

The “cracking” of this hard shell of mind allowed connection with extremely subtle vibrations/sensations, which in turn allowed deeper understanding of “Grace.” And to me, Grace is like a microscopic “thread” or lifeline that is a felt experience, an infinitely thin silken thread that seems to vibrate most subtly (and deliciously) at the innermost center of the spine. It imparts the experience of “Glory.”

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part V

As mentioned in the Part IV, when going through the daily challenges of Lyme Disease, there were many periods of just enduring as best as I was able to…and at a certain point there came a realization that I was no match for its devastating power…at least from the limited perspective of thinking that I was fighting a bacteria/spirochete that required only the correct application of some antibiotic (doxycyclene).

A major shift in perspective, in my relationship with my sense of self, with my life force, and with my day-to-day “reality” was being called forth. Dealing with Lyme Disease required a very different way of listening and feeling, that “tuned” into much deeper levels of subtle sensations, far beyond what would have previously been considered normal and familiar.

With Lyme Disease, there was a sense of being in a different territory of “reality.” I was “no longer in Kansas” so-to-speak. I remember oftentimes waking up in the mornings, feeling not only exhausted, but with very strange thoughts and words (as well as bizarre sensations) going through my mind and body, with the distinct impression that the thoughts were not mine.

That I came to feel that I was no match for its power is not to say that I felt helpless. It seems that in learning to feel and to listen in a deeper way, my sense of “reality” shifted to include not only dimensions wherein the Lyme “entity” resided, but also where helpful Spirits offered assistance.

This is what I have come to believe: with chronic illnesses such as Lyme Disease (as well as pernicious cancers), there is an intelligent (and malignant) “entity” aspect involved, one that might be considered “vampiric” in nature.

In my experience, when I first contracted Lyme Disease, while in high fever, I saw and conversed with the Lyme entity. I asked it, “Why are you doing this to me?” It responded, “This is what we do.” It seemed to have a kind of “hive” consciousness. I also intuited its superior intelligence…devoid of any familiar human reference point. Although it was bipedal and seemed to have a kind of clothing, I felt that I was connecting with something very alien.

Although this connection was short-lived, with its verbal answer to my question there was also a “How dare you ask!” communication that I felt. I thought it interesting that, although it was not wearing any head gear, I noticed that it’s head had the very interesting shape of a Nazi helmet! Its clothing, its whole “vibe” was cold, metallic, totally devoid of any human reference points of warmth and compassion.

Although it would be easy to dismiss the above experience as just a hallucination of my feverish mind, to me the experience allowed me access to previously unfamiliar dimensions, ones that included not only horribly demonic realms, but heavenly ones as well.

In a way, my “hallucination” allowed me an opening, a way to connect with subtle vibrations and sensations that would ultimately guide me towards healing.

Hallucination or not, the experience gave me a very different perspective from which to deal with Lyme Disease. It gave me an understanding that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all” path to healing, not for something as intelligent as the Lyme entity!

The experience prompted me to listen and to feel in ways that I may not have considered previous to my having contracted Lyme Disease.

(To be continued)

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part IV

When going through the painful and frustrating symptoms of Lyme Disease, I’m remembering that I did not engage much in philosophical meditations regarding the “meanings” and “life lessons” of Lyme Disease. I just wanted to be free of the damn pain and the frustrations of being physically incapacitated!

However, there was always an inner prompt to move towards healing…and (very obviously) away from pain and frustration! This “inner prompt” was my navigation device, guiding me from point to point…and sometimes down avenues that turned out to be “blind alleys.”

Sometimes, doing my best (due diligence) was to simply endure…to just get through painful moments as best I can. Now, I believe this approach helps with any painful physical or emotional challenge. However, with Lyme Disease, to me there seemed to be an extra “something” that required a deeper and vastly different approach in listening and feeling.

With Lyme Disease, that extra “something” manifested to me as what I felt and saw as a kind of tar-like black “goo” that embedded into my shoulder and neck area. When I saw the Spider Man movie, the one where he was being “taken over” by this intelligent black goo, my instant reaction was, “That’s it!” Amazingly the movie captured exactly how Lyme Disease was manifesting to me!

I had realized fairly early on that the standard of care (antibiotics) for Lyme Disease was not going to work for me. It required an approach and mindset very different than what I had been previously familiar with. My mindset required a shift in understanding that Lyme Disease was a powerful and intelligent entity…and in order to rid myself of its debilitating influence in my life would require a medicine/consciousness of greater power and intelligence.

As mentioned previously, this medicine showed up as Uchu Sanango, also known as “Dr. Sanango” by the Shamans of the Rainforest. A day or so after he pulled the Lyme entity out of my body, Dr. Sanango showed up to me in vision. I found it interesting that he showed up as a tall, very cool looking European man, wearing round spectacles. He reminded me of a cross between the actors James Coburn and Leonard Nimoy!

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