Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part V

As mentioned in the Part IV, when going through the daily challenges of Lyme Disease, there were many periods of just enduring as best as I was able to…and at a certain point there came a realization that I was no match for its devastating power…at least from the limited perspective of thinking that I was fighting a bacteria/spirochete that required only the correct application of some antibiotic (doxycyclene).

A major shift in perspective, in my relationship with my sense of self, with my life force, and with my day-to-day “reality” was being called forth. Dealing with Lyme Disease required a very different way of listening and feeling, that “tuned” into much deeper levels of subtle sensations, far beyond what would have previously been considered normal and familiar.

With Lyme Disease, there was a sense of being in a different territory of “reality.” I was “no longer in Kansas” so-to-speak. I remember oftentimes waking up in the mornings, feeling not only exhausted, but with very strange thoughts and words (as well as bizarre sensations) going through my mind and body, with the distinct impression that the thoughts were not mine.

That I came to feel that I was no match for its power is not to say that I felt helpless. It seems that in learning to feel and to listen in a deeper way, my sense of “reality” shifted to include not only dimensions wherein the Lyme “entity” resided, but also where helpful Spirits offered assistance.

This is what I have come to believe: with chronic illnesses such as Lyme Disease (as well as pernicious cancers), there is an intelligent (and malignant) “entity” aspect involved, one that might be considered “vampiric” in nature.

In my experience, when I first contracted Lyme Disease, while in high fever, I saw and conversed with the Lyme entity. I asked it, “Why are you doing this to me?” It responded, “This is what we do.” It seemed to have a kind of “hive” consciousness. I also intuited its superior intelligence…devoid of any familiar human reference point. Although it was bipedal and seemed to have a kind of clothing, I felt that I was connecting with something very alien.

Although this connection was short-lived, with its verbal answer to my question there was also a “How dare you ask!” communication that I felt. I thought it interesting that, although it was not wearing any head gear, I noticed that it’s head had the very interesting shape of a Nazi helmet! Its clothing, its whole “vibe” was cold, metallic, totally devoid of any human reference points of warmth and compassion.

Although it would be easy to dismiss the above experience as just a hallucination of my feverish mind, to me the experience allowed me access to previously unfamiliar dimensions, ones that included not only horribly demonic realms, but heavenly ones as well.

In a way, my “hallucination” allowed me an opening, a way to connect with subtle vibrations and sensations that would ultimately guide me towards healing.

Hallucination or not, the experience gave me a very different perspective from which to deal with Lyme Disease. It gave me an understanding that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all” path to healing, not for something as intelligent as the Lyme entity!

The experience prompted me to listen and to feel in ways that I may not have considered previous to my having contracted Lyme Disease.

(To be continued)

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part IV

When going through the painful and frustrating symptoms of Lyme Disease, I’m remembering that I did not engage much in philosophical meditations regarding the “meanings” and “life lessons” of Lyme Disease. I just wanted to be free of the damn pain and the frustrations of being physically incapacitated!

However, there was always an inner prompt to move towards healing…and (very obviously) away from pain and frustration! This “inner prompt” was my navigation device, guiding me from point to point…and sometimes down avenues that turned out to be “blind alleys.”

Sometimes, doing my best (due diligence) was to simply endure…to just get through painful moments as best I can. Now, I believe this approach helps with any painful physical or emotional challenge. However, with Lyme Disease, to me there seemed to be an extra “something” that required a deeper and vastly different approach in listening and feeling.

With Lyme Disease, that extra “something” manifested to me as what I felt and saw as a kind of tar-like black “goo” that embedded into my shoulder and neck area. When I saw the Spider Man movie, the one where he was being “taken over” by this intelligent black goo, my instant reaction was, “That’s it!” Amazingly the movie captured exactly how Lyme Disease was manifesting to me!

I had realized fairly early on that the standard of care (antibiotics) for Lyme Disease was not going to work for me. It required an approach and mindset very different than what I had been previously familiar with. My mindset required a shift in understanding that Lyme Disease was a powerful and intelligent entity…and in order to rid myself of its debilitating influence in my life would require a medicine/consciousness of greater power and intelligence.

As mentioned previously, this medicine showed up as Uchu Sanango, also known as “Dr. Sanango” by the Shamans of the Rainforest. A day or so after he pulled the Lyme entity out of my body, Dr. Sanango showed up to me in vision. I found it interesting that he showed up as a tall, very cool looking European man, wearing round spectacles. He reminded me of a cross between the actors James Coburn and Leonard Nimoy!

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part III

The following is something I wrote to someone I have come to know as a dear friend and Sister. She contacted me after reading about my journey of healing from Lyme Disease. My hope is that this can be of help to those who suffer from any chronic illness.

I deeply feel for you Sister! Sometimes it’s so impossibly difficult to navigate this Earthly plane…crazy, wild circumstances…and then to have the additional burden of physical challenges/diseases such as with Lyme. Yeah, it seems that life (Spirit?) conspires to bring us to our knees!

And from that place where we are forced to our knees, when our screams/prayers for help is as from every cell of our body, then—at least in my experience—something breaks (or perhaps opens up) on the inside, allowing us to viscerally experience…Grace! …which can be like the thinnest of lifelines that we can hold to through the darkest of nights!

To me Grace is not just a sentimental abstraction. It is a vibration/sensation. The closest way I can express this is in the abstraction of “Sweet Sorrows.” I imagine that you can understand the experience of crying so long and deeply there is a place you touch that can only be described as…sweetness? I think the feeling is connected with nostalgia…and to me nostalgia is connected with the mysterious longing to “return home”…to our spiritual home.

This tenuous state can last for years, as it did in my experience…and that is why I think of it as being an “initiation” into higher vibratory realms. To me it is the most difficult thing to go through, with no guarantee of “passing.” I do not wish to discourage you dear Sister, but to rather convey how very close I think you are to the Divine Mysteries!

It’s not a bad place to be (on your knees), especially when your cry is for the Mother! For me the the very thin “lifeline” of help (of Grace)—over time—morphed into the subtle “Kundalini” current in the spine—and then again showed itself as the Divine Mother! 

Perhaps your cries to the Universe will manifest in different ways, but they will be very personal to you.

I hope this helps sweet Sister! My heart is with you! Your Brother

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part II

As mentioned in Part I, I healed from Lyme Disease. The following is a continuation of my Healing Journey.

I did a lot of “due diligence” in trying my best to clean up my diet, to detox myself, exploring alternative modalities (Rife, Edgar Cayce protocols), etc., etc. I also worked with sacred plant medicines (mainly Grandmother)…and all these things helped somewhat in alleviating the most painful symptoms…but for me they were not enough to rid me of what I think of as a kind of Lyme “imprint.”

This is just my way of describing what I could not “shake” from my body/mind/psyche. Although I was able to get to a point of sublimating many of my major symptoms, there was still the deep energetic malaise, severe memory loss, the inability to do any physical exercise or work. This I wasn’t able to release.

I came to understand that doing my best, doing my due diligence was necessary (and helpful), but it amounted to very little on the balance scale of my dance/battle with Lyme. I felt I was on a slow/fast downward spiral!

If I can place numbers as a way to give perspective to what I’m trying to describe regarding my healing journey, it was as if my best efforts amounted to around 10% on the “scale” of healing…the rest, 90%, was Grace of…Spirit? God? Divine?

Lyme forced me to my knees, so-to-speak. I realized I was no match for its power. It was kicking my a$$! Big time! This shattering realization, during a most physically painful moment, dissolved me into a mass of one giant cry/scream for help that seemed to come from every cell of my body!

And help came…along with the understanding of the meaning of… Grace! …And this came with a gut reaction to the immensity of realizing that, “I don’t know sh#t! I felt that I was throwing drops of water on a conflagration that was raging in my body!”

I also came to understand the “entity” aspect of Lyme…that in order to be totally free of it’s grip upon my life, I would need serious help in releasing it from my body/mind/ psyche. This was my experience of how Lyme showed up for me.

The context: In my search for healing, I went to the rainforest in Peru to work with a certain plant medicine (Uchu Sanango) under the guidance of a shaman. I was in isolation for 10 days (administered to only by the shaman). There was three days of intense suffering from the effects of the medicine, but the last two hours of the second day was over-the-top intense! I felt like I was burning up from the inside!

I was screaming and “out-of-my-mind” from the pain…and this is where I came to experience the release of the Lyme “entity.” It felt like being on fire from the inside. I remember snarling and making some bizarre vocalizations…and then the “entity” was pulled out of me, through the top of my head, like it was unwound from my neck and head.

Note: Uchu Sanango is considered one of the “Master Plants” in the Peruvian Rainforest by the shamans. Although it does not have the visionary/hallucinogenic compounds like Grandmother (Ayahuasca) medicine, the intensity (pain) of the experience put me in visionary state whereby I was able to “see” the entity. I believe the entity did not like the intense inner heat. In a sense, my body became too inhospitable for it to remain.

Please understand that my particular experience with Uchu Sanango was not typical. My wife, for instance, during her isolation dieta with Uchu had a very different experience, difficult but not nearly as intense or painful. I would not want to scare anyone from working with this wonderfully healing medicine!

From my perspective now, as I look back at my healing journey, as painful as it was (and pardon me if this sounds cliche), I now see it as having been a great blessing, a baptism by fire so to speak! It was like an initiation that had no guarantee of healing or even physical survival…as I’ve met with others that have not fared as well.

I mention this because to me it seemed that Lyme came as an extreme teaching device…a kind of swim or slowly drown proposition! As helpless as I sometimes felt, there was always an inner prompt that kept me moving and acting towards healing. Sometimes that prompt came as a simple, “get out of bed,” “take one step,” “breathe.” I learned to listen and feel in a way that I’m not sure I could have learned in any other way.

This experience in the Rainforest happened in 2015 and I have not had any recurrence of Lyme symptoms since then.

 

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part I

In 2013, after having been bitten by a deer tic, I contracted Lyme Disease, which turned my life upside down for two years. Having to deal with my fast moving downward spiral of symptoms provided a kind of shattering and “pulverizing-to-the-ego” experience that demanded a way of listening and feeling that I’m not sure I could have learned otherwise. The following post describes my experience.

Connecting deeply with the underlying Bliss Resonance of the body and spinal centers is not necessarily a “step-by-step,” neat and tidy process no matter how diligent we might be in adhering to meditation technique and the guidance and wisdom of ancient teachings and teachers. At least this has been my experience.

During my earlier years as a monk, the sense of belonging to a spiritual community gave me a feeling of security, that I was on the right track moving towards what I longed for: wisdom, Divine Love…spiritual enlightenment.

However, what I had prayed for (with the assumption that meditation practice would in a step-by-step fashion manifest) required a dissolution of my secure and tidy spiritual world view. In other words, my “spiritual” life got very messy! It all came crashing down! And as painful as it was, I intuitively knew that I had to let it all go…the teachings, my narrow attachments to the Guru, the spiritual community…all of it!

This is not to say that I devolved into a life of debauchery or skepticism/cynicism. Rather, releasing my monastic persona and spiritual world view was like releasing a life that came to feel “dusty” and “tired.” I had begun to feel like a bonsai tree, with limbs “wired” into place to look and act like a monk…and with “roots” unable to grow deeply.

Leaving the ashram gave me the “breathing room” to experience life untethered by the narrow constraints (as well as the safety and protection) of the ashram and community “group-think.” However, leaving was a scary place to be, bringing up all the fears and inner “shadows” long hidden beneath the protective facade of my monastic persona. Having released the “secure” and structured lifestyle of the ashram, along with the feeling of free-fall, seemed to allow a wider space for me to feel and to listen to the inner whispers of all my fears, desires and longings.

Years rolled by and the “perfect storm” of ego-pulverizing events occurred when I contracted Lyme Disease in 2013. I went through a hellish two years, during which the feelings of always being sick and exhausted were not the scary parts, as I had a reference point in my life for knowing what it was like to feel sick and exhausted.

What was truly scary for me was the feeling that I was losing my mind…hearing voices, having hallucinations, losing my memory, etc. I felt that I was on a slow/fast downward spiral in which my best efforts amounted to very little on the balance scale of healing.

In my journey of healing from Lyme Disease, I explored many avenues of approach, as the standard of care in Western Medicine (antibiotics) was not enough to rid me of the insidious spirochetes. Among many things, I radically adjusted my diet, used Rife Machine, Edgar Cayce protocols, etc.  However, what finally brought full healing for me was working with certain plant medicines (mainly Uchu Sanango) from the Peruvian Rainforest while going on a 10 day Isolation “Dieta,” administered to by only the shaman.

Working with Uchu Sanango was by far the most difficult and painful experience of my life, as ridding myself of Lyme Disease seemed to require drastic measures. However, since then (2015), all symptoms of Lyme Disease have vanished, never to return! (To be Continued).

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Listening to the Intuitive Voice, Part VI

[Continued from Part V] Think of it in this way: when first learning to dance, it can be helpful to learn some dance moves, but after the initial “getting familiar” period of learning, it is not satisfying to remain in the superficial levels of technique. Going deeper and deeper into the subtleties of movement and rhythm, technique can be released and one can surrender to the natural power and splendor of how life force wishes to dance in the body.

Similarly, meditation technique is helpful in creating the setting for connecting with the subtleties of the life force, but technique does not necessarily lead to a deeper and deeper release/surrender to the flow of the underlying current.

The inner prompts of life force moving through the body and spinal centers may guide/suggest a very different posture, movement of body and breath, position of eyes, focus of attention, etc. To rigidly adhere to meditation technique during such times can work against the very intention of your meditation practice.

In many instances, I believe the all-important “missing ingredient” of meditation practice is the simple feeling deeper and deeper into the overall sensation of the body, the resonance of all sensations felt as one vibration, one “Hum” of Being.

With this particular approach, the mind maintains a fairly easy focus/concentration…as the very subtlety of the underlying “Hum” of the body and spinal centers have an innately blissful feel…and bliss is very easy to maintain one-pointed attention on!

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Listening to the Intuitive Voice, Part V

When feeling into the overall sensation of the body, tune into the underlying subtlety of vibration. Notice the shift in consciousness (however slight) as the mind continues to follow/connect deeper and deeper with the subtle waves and pulsations of the underlying “Hum” of the body.

Meditation techniques certainly help in creating the “setting” in which the fine underlying sensations/vibrations can be tuned into, but going deeper and deeper into the subtle realms is not something—I believe—meditation technique of itself is capable of doing.

Here is what I believe happens: once a deep connection with the subtle/ethereal vibrations are viscerally connected with, then meditation technique can be very helpful to go even deeper.

The great irony here is that most meditators begin with the assumption that meditation technique will—in a “step-by-step” fashion—connect them with the Divine Realms. In all my years of meditation practice in the ashram, I had many wonderful spiritual experiences, but the connection with the exquisitely fine Bliss Resonance remained elusive. Neither did I see evidence of that connection with the majority of the Monks that I lived with.

Meditation technique, when focused upon and held tightly to in “step-by-step” process, can create a barrier—however slight—that separates the meditator from the very fine nuances of how the Life Force (Spirit) in the body wishes to move/dance.

The practice of meditation technique does not necessarily lead to a wider energetic space within. The inner “resistance” created by strong attachments to beliefs and assumptions regarding meditation and spirituality builds a kind of force field or “wall” of noise that prevents us from hearing/feeling the subtle reverberations that move just below the surface of our familiar state of being.

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