Category Archives: mind

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part IX

In my experience with the Lyme Disease “entity,” even though it was far outside the “zone” of what was familiar, I did not question for a second whether it was “real” or not, because, although I was quite conscious and aware that I was having a “non-ordinary” experience, it seems that the need (or perhaps capacity) to ponder the validity or non-validity of the experience just did not come up. It appears that the linear/logical, questioning mind was rendered inactive.

There is an important point to consider here. In the “physics” (the accepted science) of the linear, logical world the above experience would most likely be dismissed as a hallucination of the feverish mind and, to me, a great opportunity would have been lost if I had concurred.

Let me explain: The mind will oftentimes resist, avoid or dismiss what it cannot make sense of, define, categorize or label…and this reactivity can unfortunately take an abrasive and dismissive approach when it comes to the wild “ramblings” and “hallucinations” of people deemed “unstable/ungrounded.” It appears that the linear/logical mind can be quite “territorial” (and even combative) in defending its predominance. In other words, the logical mind wants well established and agreed upon parameters of “acceptable reality.”

In quickly dismissing such experiences, the opportunity to see the world (and any potential value of the experience) through a very different lens of perspective would have been lost.

To me, the question regarding whether or not my experience was a hallucination or not is not so important. I’m ok with thinking that it was all imaginary…but that’s not to say that the objects of the “hallucination” were not “real” or without value. They’re just vibrating at different frequencies, perhaps not within the “bandwidth” that our bodies reside in nor within the range of our normal waking state.

In this way of thinking, all thoughts and objects of our imagination can be thought of as “real” from an energetic perspective. The important consideration is whether or not they have the power and consciousness to uplift and help us…I certainly know from my own experience that certain thoughts (imaginary or not) have the power to hurt/harm.

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part VIII

As mentioned before, I don’t believe there is a “one-size-fits-all” approach to healing, especially with “tricky” and insidious illnesses such as Lyme Disease. For me, Lyme Disease forced me into a very different mindset and approach to healing, as it became very apparent early on that the “standard of care” that my doctors suggested and prescribed was not going to work for me.

I think it would have been good to work with a “Lyme-Literate” MD, but at the time I could not afford to do so…and so I searched out and explored many different modalities, with varying results. During that same time period, I spoke with a number of individuals who had come to a place of healing, which gave me tremendous hope that healing was possible.

One of the “shifts” in mindset that occurred for me with Lyme Disease has been in approaching and thinking of the disease as not just a bacterial infection, but also as an intelligent (and vampiric) entity that had taken up residence (uninvited) in my body.

Now this can understandably be a bit much to accept for many individuals and that is fine. The subtle point I wish to convey here is that I believe an important component of my healing required a “breaking down” of the “hard shell” of my mind and all the strong attachments, expectations and patterns of my world view: my sense of how the world worked…that this is real, that is not real, etc.

Lyme Disease seemed to blur the boundaries of my “reality.” It forced me into a very different mindset that “softened” my beliefs and strong attachments, allowing glimpses into fine nuances of visceral experiences. This is the “nice” way of putting it.

Perhaps a more realistic way of describing my Lyme experience is this: it kicked my as$ and f**d up my mind to such a degree, that I saw, felt and experienced an aspect of reality that I may not have experienced otherwise.

I came to an understanding that there are so many levels and layers to healing! On one level (perhaps the most superficial), my mind wanted to be able to just take a regimen of antibiotics and be rid of Lyme Disease…or to follow some healing modality/protocol that would prove to be the “magic bullet” of healing.

I suppose my previous “normal” experiences of going through illnesses such as the flu, colds, injuries, etc. colored my expectations of how I wanted Lyme Disease to proceed…that if I rested, followed certain protocols, etc., that I could expect healing to follow.

However, with Lyme Disease, nothing felt “normal.” All of the familiar aches and pains of the body seemed to involve a layer of “weirdness” that included the hearing of voices, demonic dreams, over-sensitivity to lights, etc.

My mind desperately wanted a return to “normalcy,” to not have to deal with all the “messiness” of what was outside the boundaries of its neat and tidy spiritual “world view.” Lyme Disease seemed to open a window into realms of darkness/sorcery, vastly different than what I could have ever imagined or expected.

While in those dark realms, it seems that the mind/consciousness cannot operate/function in the same way as it is capable of in normal “waking” body consciousness. The physics of that realm are just very different. For example, in my experience of the Darkness, there were some paradoxical aspects to it. It was a darkness that was so dark that it seemed to “shine” and that it was a darkness that was blacker than the “blackest black.”

Of course, it does not make sense to the mind that operates in the physics of the familiar world. It cannot accept or fathom the idea of a darkness that is blacker than the blackest black. In the realms of our Earthly physics, the description of this “darkness” can only be rendered in metaphors and philosophical abstractions.

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part VII

When I speak of the “hard shell” of my mind, it is the mind that attaches fiercely to sense of identity, to patterns of the world that are familiar, secure and “normal.” It wants the security of being able to survive in the world, as well as to make sense of its place spiritually.

In struggling with Lyme Disease, of course I wanted to be rid of the painful symptoms and I would have been very happy if the regular course of antibiotics worked. But this was not to be. My mind desperately wanted a return to “normalcy” of health. Instead it was plunged into realms of demonic entities and sorcery!

Now, I wanted to believe that I had an “open” and knowlegeable mind regarding spiritual and “demonic” realms and that I had a strong grounding (and experience) of such things from all the years of meditative discipline in the ashram.

However, life (and ultimately Lyme Disease) shook and thoroughly pulverized this naive belief (in my spiritual world view) that served for so many years to give me such security and solace.

I don’t believe that any amount of meditation, calling/praying on the Gods, Gurus, Angelic Guides, etc., could prepare me adequately for entry into those demonic dimensions. I wanted to think that if I ever had to move through such realms, that I would just call on God, Christ, the Angelic Guides, etc., and I would be protected. After all, I spent many years of my life in the practice of calling on Divine Protection, help and guidance.

However, what I had not expected (or thought possible) was the power of certain entities to withdraw from our minds the memory of how to call for help, or that Divine Help was even available. In previous experiences, I found that most entities have very little power over us, and it was just a matter of calling on the Divine to halt these unwanted intrusions. But then…there are some very powerful entities that seem to require a higher level of protection….Divine Grace!

To me, from the limited human perspective, Grace showed up as a most subtle, microscopically thin lifeline during the darkest of nights. It came unbidden as I had lost all moorings of how to call for help, how to call for Divine Protection. I was thrust into a demonic realm so horrifying and devoid of any spiritual (or human) reference point. All capacity for rational (or spiritual) thought seemed to be sucked out of me. I remember an entity jumping on my chest digging its claws into me. I then lost sense of who I was or where I was. There was only dark, paralyzing fear!

As mentioned, help came unbidden…and from unlikely sources. In my delirium of fear, I saw/heard a male lion come to my aid, ferociously defending me. I also heard a voice command three times, “Satan, get thee behind me!” This broke the initial onslaught, but I was totally spent!

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part V

As mentioned in the Part IV, when going through the daily challenges of Lyme Disease, there were many periods of just enduring as best as I was able to…and at a certain point there came a realization that I was no match for its devastating power…at least from the limited perspective of thinking that I was fighting a bacteria/spirochete that required only the correct application of some antibiotic (doxycyclene).

A major shift in perspective, in my relationship with my sense of self, with my life force, and with my day-to-day “reality” was being called forth. Dealing with Lyme Disease required a very different way of listening and feeling, that “tuned” into much deeper levels of subtle sensations, far beyond what would have previously been considered normal and familiar.

With Lyme Disease, there was a sense of being in a different territory of “reality.” I was “no longer in Kansas” so-to-speak. I remember oftentimes waking up in the mornings, feeling not only exhausted, but with very strange thoughts and words (as well as bizarre sensations) going through my mind and body, with the distinct impression that the thoughts were not mine.

That I came to feel that I was no match for its power is not to say that I felt helpless. It seems that in learning to feel and to listen in a deeper way, my sense of “reality” shifted to include not only dimensions wherein the Lyme “entity” resided, but also where helpful Spirits offered assistance.

This is what I have come to believe: with chronic illnesses such as Lyme Disease (as well as pernicious cancers), there is an intelligent (and malignant) “entity” aspect involved, one that might be considered “vampiric” in nature.

In my experience, when I first contracted Lyme Disease, while in high fever, I saw and conversed with the Lyme entity. I asked it, “Why are you doing this to me?” It responded, “This is what we do.” It seemed to have a kind of “hive” consciousness. I also intuited its superior intelligence…devoid of any familiar human reference point. Although it was bipedal and seemed to have a kind of clothing, I felt that I was connecting with something very alien.

Although this connection was short-lived, with its verbal answer to my question there was also a “How dare you ask!” communication that I felt. I thought it interesting that, although it was not wearing any head gear, I noticed that it’s head had the very interesting shape of a Nazi helmet! Its clothing, its whole “vibe” was cold, metallic, totally devoid of any human reference points of warmth and compassion.

Although it would be easy to dismiss the above experience as just a hallucination of my feverish mind, to me the experience allowed me access to previously unfamiliar dimensions, ones that included not only horribly demonic realms, but heavenly ones as well.

In a way, my “hallucination” allowed me an opening, a way to connect with subtle vibrations and sensations that would ultimately guide me towards healing.

Hallucination or not, the experience gave me a very different perspective from which to deal with Lyme Disease. It gave me an understanding that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all” path to healing, not for something as intelligent as the Lyme entity!

The experience prompted me to listen and to feel in ways that I may not have considered previous to my having contracted Lyme Disease.

(To be continued)

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Listening to the Intuitive Voice, Part II

Now, when feeling into any emotion, whether it be a slight irritation, anger…or full blown sadness/depression, the approach of not ignoring the energetic, sensation aspect of feelings is being suggested here: tuning into the visceral, overall vibration of the body when feeling low, in a funk…and then….

Here’s what seems to usually happen: We get emotionally triggered by some circumstance or incident and then the feeling and thought patterns go ‘round and ‘round the gravitational pull of our hurt feelings. We get stuck in thought and feeling loops.

However, something very special happens when we feel into the overall sensation of the body, tuning into the subtle underlying vibration of all feelings, the resonance or hum of Being.

When the mind/awareness connects with the subtle underlying hum, the habitual “circling the drain” feeling/thinking is short-circuited…and then here’s what happens: by the simple focusing upon the subtle overall sensation of the body, the mind is offered a window of opening to “shift tracks,” to one that leads into a deeper trance/swoon.

Now, in allowing the mind to “shift tracks,” the mind is guided to follow the prompts of the body to move, shake, vibrate in ways that dissolves and expels the energy of moods. There are many traditions, techniques and approaches that speak towards this…and the effectiveness in these approaches occur when there is an inner “getting,” when there is the visceral experience of being “danced” by the energetic prompts of the life force moving through the body.

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Kundalini Divine Nectar, Part IV

The approach of feeling into the resonance of the overall vibration of the body has a way of naturally and easily drawing the mind to a one-pointed awareness…an awareness of all sensations felt as one resonance of Being!

A delicate balance point is created as the mind that “holds” to the central core of the overall sensation gives rise to a giddiness or wobbliness of the body…a result of the interplay of contraction/relaxation, stillness/movement, incoming/outgoing breath, etc.

I think of it in this way: the experience of the body/mind/psyche that is focused upon the innermost sensation in the spine is like a play of the finest strands of silk moving in delicious spirals through what feels like the central core of the body.

Feeling into this subtle sensation has a way of naturally interiorizing the mind. Body, mind, breath are “held” as though gently electrified in different postures that allows the flow and overflow of energies to move without getting stuck.

These “postures” taken up by the body are not static, “thought out” positions, but rather dynamic geometries of the body guided by the Life Force, oftentimes in incremental micro movements…like a slow-motion dance!

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Kundalini Divine Nectar, Part III

Any position/posture of the body can be explored to infinite nuance of sensations…and by relaxing and surrendering to the fine vibrations/currents moving through the body, the Divine Dance of micro movements is activated. There is then a noticing of the body moving/dancing, adjusting automatically to the rise and fall of energy.

As the mind/attention focuses upon the current, there is also a noticing of how the mind is drawn inwardly, as though “captured” by the current. It is important to notice and acknowledge the dynamics of what happens when the mind focuses upon subtle sensations, upon the inner current of Life Force.

Another way of thinking about how the mind can be “captured,” is to understand and experience the mind going into trance when using repetition and rhythm…such as when chanting or singing; or when losing oneself in dance.

Ordinarily we don’t pay much attention to what happens when the mind gets drawn into repetitive drumming, or when we surrender ourselves in dance; or when going on long runs. However, if there is an intention to witness the body/mind/psyche going into trance, then the experience of noticing subtle shifts of awareness becomes an open pathway where each subtlety of sensation is like a “breadcrumb” leading to the next subtlety of sensation.

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