Category Archives: Overcoming fear

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part VII

When I speak of the “hard shell” of my mind, it is the mind that attaches fiercely to sense of identity, to patterns of the world that are familiar, secure and “normal.” It wants the security of being able to survive in the world, as well as to make sense of its place spiritually.

In struggling with Lyme Disease, of course I wanted to be rid of the painful symptoms and I would have been very happy if the regular course of antibiotics worked. But this was not to be. My mind desperately wanted a return to “normalcy” of health. Instead it was plunged into realms of demonic entities and sorcery!

Now, I wanted to believe that I had an “open” and knowlegeable mind regarding spiritual and “demonic” realms and that I had a strong grounding (and experience) of such things from all the years of meditative discipline in the ashram.

However, life (and ultimately Lyme Disease) shook and thoroughly pulverized this naive belief (in my spiritual world view) that served for so many years to give me such security and solace.

I don’t believe that any amount of meditation, calling/praying on the Gods, Gurus, Angelic Guides, etc., could prepare me adequately for entry into those demonic dimensions. I wanted to think that if I ever had to move through such realms, that I would just call on God, Christ, the Angelic Guides, etc., and I would be protected. After all, I spent many years of my life in the practice of calling on Divine Protection, help and guidance.

However, what I had not expected (or thought possible) was the power of certain entities to withdraw from our minds the memory of how to call for help, or that Divine Help was even available. In previous experiences, I found that most entities have very little power over us, and it was just a matter of calling on the Divine to halt these unwanted intrusions. But then…there are some very powerful entities that seem to require a higher level of protection….Divine Grace!

To me, from the limited human perspective, Grace showed up as a most subtle, microscopically thin lifeline during the darkest of nights. It came unbidden as I had lost all moorings of how to call for help, how to call for Divine Protection. I was thrust into a demonic realm so horrifying and devoid of any spiritual (or human) reference point. All capacity for rational (or spiritual) thought seemed to be sucked out of me. I remember an entity jumping on my chest digging its claws into me. I then lost sense of who I was or where I was. There was only dark, paralyzing fear!

As mentioned, help came unbidden…and from unlikely sources. In my delirium of fear, I saw/heard a male lion come to my aid, ferociously defending me. I also heard a voice command three times, “Satan, get thee behind me!” This broke the initial onslaught, but I was totally spent!

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Filed under healing, mind, Overcoming fear, Places beyond the mind

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part I

In 2013, after having been bitten by a deer tic, I contracted Lyme Disease, which turned my life upside down for two years. Having to deal with my fast moving downward spiral of symptoms provided a kind of shattering and “pulverizing-to-the-ego” experience that demanded a way of listening and feeling that I’m not sure I could have learned otherwise. The following post describes my experience.

Connecting deeply with the underlying Bliss Resonance of the body and spinal centers is not necessarily a “step-by-step,” neat and tidy process no matter how diligent we might be in adhering to meditation technique and the guidance and wisdom of ancient teachings and teachers. At least this has been my experience.

During my earlier years as a monk, the sense of belonging to a spiritual community gave me a feeling of security, that I was on the right track moving towards what I longed for: wisdom, Divine Love…spiritual enlightenment.

However, what I had prayed for (with the assumption that meditation practice would in a step-by-step fashion manifest) required a dissolution of my secure and tidy spiritual world view. In other words, my “spiritual” life got very messy! It all came crashing down! And as painful as it was, I intuitively knew that I had to let it all go…the teachings, my narrow attachments to the Guru, the spiritual community…all of it!

This is not to say that I devolved into a life of debauchery or skepticism/cynicism. Rather, releasing my monastic persona and spiritual world view was like releasing a life that came to feel “dusty” and “tired.” I had begun to feel like a bonsai tree, with limbs “wired” into place to look and act like a monk…and with “roots” unable to grow deeply.

Leaving the ashram gave me the “breathing room” to experience life untethered by the narrow constraints (as well as the safety and protection) of the ashram and community “group-think.” However, leaving was a scary place to be, bringing up all the fears and inner “shadows” long hidden beneath the protective facade of my monastic persona. Having released the “secure” and structured lifestyle of the ashram, along with the feeling of free-fall, seemed to allow a wider space for me to feel and to listen to the inner whispers of all my fears, desires and longings.

Years rolled by and the “perfect storm” of ego-pulverizing events occurred when I contracted Lyme Disease in 2013. I went through a hellish two years, during which the feelings of always being sick and exhausted were not the scary parts, as I had a reference point in my life for knowing what it was like to feel sick and exhausted.

What was truly scary for me was the feeling that I was losing my mind…hearing voices, having hallucinations, losing my memory, etc. I felt that I was on a slow/fast downward spiral in which my best efforts amounted to very little on the balance scale of healing.

In my journey of healing from Lyme Disease, I explored many avenues of approach, as the standard of care in Western Medicine (antibiotics) was not enough to rid me of the insidious spirochetes. Among many things, I radically adjusted my diet, used Rife Machine, Edgar Cayce protocols, etc.  However, what finally brought full healing for me was working with certain plant medicines (mainly Uchu Sanango) from the Peruvian Rainforest while going on a 10 day Isolation “Dieta,” administered to by only the shaman.

Working with Uchu Sanango was by far the most difficult and painful experience of my life, as ridding myself of Lyme Disease seemed to require drastic measures. However, since then (2015), all symptoms of Lyme Disease have vanished, never to return! (To be Continued).

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Kundalini Dance of Subtlety Part II

Part I of “Kundalini Dance of Subtlety” can be accessed here

Mother Kundalini

Mother Kundalini

I think that it’s kind of ironic that, for me, Kundalini did not activate for me until having dropped my strong attachments to meditation techniques, as well as leaving an ashram that I lived as a monk for 19 years.

For me, releasing the strong “matrix” of spiritual community and “group think” created an inner feeling of “free-fall,” having nothing to stand on, or hold onto…which then offered me intimations of primal and chaotic sensations/energies moving through my body and psyche.

A few years after having left the ashram, I began singing, vocalizing in very unusual ways: throat singing (similar to Mongolian and Tibetan styles). Singing in this way came very quickly and easily for me. The subtleties of vocal overtones helped me to disconnect my thinking and any stories that would normally go round and round in my head (sadness, grief, etc.)

So many layers of density, of sadness and grief have had to be released/purged in the intervening years (since 2001). Kundalini, in the form of the Mother came to me in 2009. I felt/thought that she was extremely shy. She turned to me three times, without saying anything, beckoning me to follow her into my spine. I intuited immediately and felt her as Kundalini.

I’m glad that there is a mental concept/philosophy such as Kundalini. Otherwise, I might think that I was going a little (or maybe a lot) crazy. It gives my mind something to “chew” on in the sense that my mind seems to go ‘round and ‘round if it cannot make sense of something.

Kundalini, to me, is so far out there, wild, crazy, primal, maddening, blissful, that the mind seems to be right on the borderline of sanity and insanity! I now feel quite safe with Her in the sense of having learned to navigate very strange mental/physical/emotional/spiritual landscapes of Being. It still feels though like being in a world where veils are getting thinner and thinner.

With the onset of Kundalini there has also been times of simply ENDURING…during certain times when no amount of meditation, positive thinking, calling for help seems to ease physical/mental/spiritual suffering. Perhaps it does, but my meaning here is that there seems to be times when we get so “ground to dust” that we don’t have the wherewithal or even the memory to call for help, or shore ourselves up.

This is where Grace seems to come through. And this is my belief: that Kundalini comes with Grace. As blissful and ecstatic as Kundalini can be, it seems to also have a way of grounding us to dust, taking away all props, forcing us to our knees so-to-speak. At least that’s been my experience.

When it had been so, so dark, when I had forgotten myself and how to call for help, this is where Grace had stepped in, like the tiniest sliver of light (my lifeline) in a universe of darkness.

Kundalini, it all seems to be one large Cosmic Dance. Beautiful at times, grotesque at times…but a dance all the same, where we are being asked to let Her lead!

I seek to connect with those who, like me, feel they have been “charged” to hold and ground the Bliss Resonance for Mother Earth. Please contact me if you’d like to experience the ecstatic current in the spine. It is a free session that will be of great benefit for you whether we decide to work together or not. Contact me here if you’d like to: Connect With the Bliss Resonance

I will get back to you but please be sure to check your filtered mail as my email may get placed in your junk mailbox.

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Filed under bliss, Finding Your Voice, freedom, Kundalini, mind, mindfulness, Overcoming fear, overtone singing, Receiving Spirit, sound healing

The Law of Attraction – the Main Ingredient

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Someone asked me what I thought of the “Law of Attraction.”

It’s a funny thing… my wife playfully calls me “The Attractor.” I call her “The Activator.” Together we’ve created a beautiful life for ourselves.

As the “Attractor” it seems I’ve been able to bring into our lives certain opportunities,  people and circumstances that would change our lives forever! However, without my wife’s activating, moving forward energy, of myself there would have been a higher possibility of losing opportunities through not acting fast enough.

So…I believe the Law of Attraction requires a lot of action…moving forward on opportunities…BEFORE WE FEEL READY!

Acting before we feel ready is huge! However, with this mindset, we learn very quickly as we move forward.

In a nutshell: implement, adjust, implement, adjust, implement….It’s the mindset of, “The bridge over the chasm of uncertainty gets created as we step out in faith.”

In another way: “on course, off course… By moving/acting we get a sense of when we’re on course or off course…and we make adjustments.

Also, it requires getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is also a big one! Learning to attract is not so difficult. It’s the follow-through and manifesting part that can be challenging.

In most Law of Attraction systems that I’ve read about, I believe it covers the action part, but I believe there is a part that is not covered so well…

How to instill new habits of thinking/feeling/acting. In learning to attract and create what we want, it is important to be aware of the habits that hold us back, that sabotage our best intentions. This is where habitual mindsets/beliefs, etc. are required to be deeply explored and, if necessary, released…and then new habits installed.

Also…I believe the “attracting” piece has many layers. For me there is the part of just being very clear on what we want, financially, emotionally, etc., etc.

There is then the layer of “holding” it energetically in our bodies, not just in our minds. For me this means connecting with the Bliss Resonance in the body/spine and connecting that energy/sensation with what is wanted.

And then a deeper layer is in looking/observing what is calling our attention in our environment. In other words, being open to signs, synchronicities, etc.

For example, right before a huge spiritual transition happened in my life, I came across crow feathers everyday for about 15 days in a row. This got my attention and I just had to pay attention to some of the very subtle cues that would ultimately lead my wife and I to a life-changing opportunity.

This is still ongoing learning for myself and so these words are for me too!

I seek to connect with those who, like me, feel they have been “charged” to hold and ground the Bliss Resonance for Mother Earth. Please contact me if you’d like to experience the ecstatic current in the spine. It is a free session that will be of great benefit for you whether we decide to work together or not. Contact me here if you’d like to: Connect With the Bliss Resonance

I will get back to you but please be sure to check your filtered mail as my email may get placed in your junk mailbox.

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Third Eye Opening Symptoms

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When entering the visionary state (third eye opening), a very wide range of dimensions/realms become available to our awareness, some that are beatific beyond imagination, along with demonically horrid ones as well.

In the beginning, when entering those realms, we do not necessarily know how to navigate those worlds. Dark, negative entities can be quite intrusive and “in your face” so-to-speak. Our “toolbox” of spiritual techniques that we’ve gathered in our daily, 3d lives, help us to a certain degree when entering the visionary state, but cannot prepare us fully for the actual entry into those realms.

There have been times when I’ve been totally freaked out by the hideous places and beings that intruded into my consciousness. It seems to me that in order to ascend to the higher states of Being/Awareness, one must also pass through a kind of “Dark night of the Soul” realm of utter darkness, horror, etc.

As much as I’ve made intention to go straight to the light/love/higher vibration, it seems that I still had to go through the darker realms…as though it was a kind of “rite of passage.”

Note: Most of the demons/entities do not have so much power. All it takes is to keep the attention at the spiritual eye/light. However, there are certain very powerful demons/entities that seem to have the power to extract our memory of calling for the help of our Higher Self, Angelic Guides, Spirit, etc. This is where Grace comes in.

Our Spirit protectors come to our aid when we have lost ourselves to these very powerful entities. Having the experience of this level of Grace gives us a depth of gratitude for the gifts of love that we have been given in our lives. To experience the dimension of utter darkness and horror…and then to realize the gift and light of love that are embedded in our Beings brings such a depth of gratitude that I don’t think I could have realized/felt in any other way!

Meditation is not the problem! Opening the Spiritual Eye/third eye is not the problem! I do understand though, how one might construe the practice of meditation and the opening of the third eye as the cause of such horrific experiences and visions.

To me, it would be such a sad loss of spiritual opportunity to shut down the spiritual eye out of fear of the darker realms. But again, I do understand why one would want to do so. There is a kind of security in the “bandwidth” of our familiar human dimension. The realms that open up through the spiritual eye are unfamiliar and in the beginning we just do not know of to navigate through the darker realms.

Just a little bit of experience in these unfamiliar dimensions is all that is necessary to move past these unwanted intrusions. Learning seems to happen quickly, to not dally or focus upon the dark.

Again, in the higher realms, the intrusions cease. Spiders, demons, scenes of torture, getting jumped on and tortured, etc….these seem to be last gasp efforts of the satanic forces to keep us from entering the higher realms, which is SOOO close when the spiritual eye is opened.

In the higher realms, the actual Divine Christ Light/Consciousness, the Divine Mother/Father is infinitely and sublimely beyond what we can ever imagine when in the density of our rational, human, egoic consciousness!

I seek to connect with those who, like me, feel they have been “charged” to hold and ground the Bliss Resonance for Mother Earth. Please contact me if you’d like to experience the ecstatic current in the spine. It is a free session that will be of great benefit for you whether we decide to work together or not. Contact me here if you’d like to: Connect With the Bliss Resonance

I will get back to you but please be sure to check your filtered mail as my email may get placed in your junk mailbox.

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How to Make “Oversensitivity” Work for You

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Someone asked recently, “How do you make your sensitivity work for you? When I think/feel into my own sensitivity, the first thing that comes to mind is “oversensitivity,” to my trigger points, to when things catch me “off-guard” so-to-speak.

Like most everyone else (I’m presuming), it is very difficult for me to not react to my emotional triggers. So…how to make my sensitivity work for me when I get triggered becomes an important question.

My initial reaction to emotional triggers in the past would put me into a shell, into moods for hours, if not days. I would feel angry, hurt, get moody/broody, etc.

Here’s what I do now: I do not discount what I feel, or try to push it away, or get philosophical about it…in fact I allow myself an initial inner reaction, like, “#$#L$ M_F!!…for a few minutes…but then I also include “Thank You, thank you, thank you!” even though I don’t feel genuine gratitude at the moment…but I know the gratitude does and will come.

Here’s what I do: I always keep a blank sheet journal with me with a supply of pens and color pencils. I also have my music.

I CREATE, CREATE, CREATE! DANCE, DANCE, DANCE! If need be, CRY, CRY, CRY!
I know that very delicate thoughts, sensations, insights come to me after I purge out the energy of what triggered me! Exquisitely sublime feelings!

That is where Gratitude comes in…and after a large purge, the sensation of Gratitude feels like…LOVE!

I seek to connect with those who, like me, feel they have been “charged” to hold and ground the Bliss Resonance for Mother Earth. Please contact me if you’d like to experience the ecstatic current in the spine. It is a free session that will be of great benefit for you whether we decide to work together or not. Contact me here if you’d like to: Connect With the Bliss Resonance

I will get back to you but please be sure to check your filtered mail as my email may get placed in your spam mailbox.

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The Resonance of Gratitude

Have you ever noticed that the feelings of gratitude are similar to the ones of Bliss and Love? The experience of gratitude is an open, expansive field of consciousness that has a knowingness of our connection with divine power, regardless of what we may be going through. It is like an anti-gravity machine (as are Love and Bliss) that helps us pull away from the density of thoughts that keep us trapped in patterns of fear and anxiety. Gratitude raises the frequency of consciousness and provides a focus of mind and feelings upon Love/Bliss. The “density” of any difficult circumstance then provides a “workout” partner that we can use to gain strength through and to practice our “dance” of life with.

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A deep “Thank You!” to the Universe is like a key that fits into the Universal Lock, the great Mystery of Spirit. That we have a body, mind and heart that experiences all manner of feelings is the greatest mystery. We live and move through our lives as in a dream, believing we have certain limitations… and yet gratitude creates an opening, a space of surrender where—even though we may not understand the overarching vastness of life, we can still “know” that fundamentally we are in the care and love of Spirit.  There is a divine simplicity to life when we are in the resonance of gratitude. Life is then stripped down to a primal understanding: we are babes in the woods dreaming fierce dreams of separation… and gratitude is our ultimate protection through the roiling storms of human suffering.

With the opening of the heart comes an expansion of the creative energy that moves/dances through the field of the body. The impetus to create then seems to come through as a prime directive, a grand force that must be reckoned with. The heart that is wide open to Bliss endeavors to channel the intense energies in whatever shape/form/medium that it resonates with, whether it be through dance, music, art, writing, etc., or through any number of creative founts that may open up.

The mind and body that is tuned to the resonance of gratitude is one in which energy does not get stuck… nor does it get caught up in thought loops of worries and fears. Gratitude is like a deep breath of fresh air that enlivens the spirit, an open door that allows creativity an easy pathway for expression… and it all begins with a simple… “Thank You!”

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