Category Archives: Receiving Spirit

Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part IV

When going through the painful and frustrating symptoms of Lyme Disease, I’m remembering that I did not engage much in philosophical meditations regarding the “meanings” and “life lessons” of Lyme Disease. I just wanted to be free of the damn pain and the frustrations of being physically incapacitated!

However, there was always an inner prompt to move towards healing…and (very obviously) away from pain and frustration! This “inner prompt” was my navigation device, guiding me from point to point…and sometimes down avenues that turned out to be “blind alleys.”

Sometimes, doing my best (due diligence) was to simply endure…to just get through painful moments as best I can. Now, I believe this approach helps with any painful physical or emotional challenge. However, with Lyme Disease, to me there seemed to be an extra “something” that required a deeper and vastly different approach in listening and feeling.

With Lyme Disease, that extra “something” manifested to me as what I felt and saw as a kind of tar-like black “goo” that embedded into my shoulder and neck area. When I saw the Spider Man movie, the one where he was being “taken over” by this intelligent black goo, my instant reaction was, “That’s it!” Amazingly the movie captured exactly how Lyme Disease was manifesting to me!

I had realized fairly early on that the standard of care (antibiotics) for Lyme Disease was not going to work for me. It required an approach and mindset very different than what I had been previously familiar with. My mindset required a shift in understanding that Lyme Disease was a powerful and intelligent entity…and in order to rid myself of its debilitating influence in my life would require a medicine/consciousness of greater power and intelligence.

As mentioned previously, this medicine showed up as Uchu Sanango, also known as “Dr. Sanango” by the Shamans of the Rainforest. A day or so after he pulled the Lyme entity out of my body, Dr. Sanango showed up to me in vision. I found it interesting that he showed up as a tall, very cool looking European man, wearing round spectacles. He reminded me of a cross between the actors James Coburn and Leonard Nimoy!

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part III

The following is something I wrote to someone I have come to know as a dear friend and Sister. She contacted me after reading about my journey of healing from Lyme Disease. My hope is that this can be of help to those who suffer from any chronic illness.

I deeply feel for you Sister! Sometimes it’s so impossibly difficult to navigate this Earthly plane…crazy, wild circumstances…and then to have the additional burden of physical challenges/diseases such as with Lyme. Yeah, it seems that life (Spirit?) conspires to bring us to our knees!

And from that place where we are forced to our knees, when our screams/prayers for help is as from every cell of our body, then—at least in my experience—something breaks (or perhaps opens up) on the inside, allowing us to viscerally experience…Grace! …which can be like the thinnest of lifelines that we can hold to through the darkest of nights!

To me Grace is not just a sentimental abstraction. It is a vibration/sensation. The closest way I can express this is in the abstraction of “Sweet Sorrows.” I imagine that you can understand the experience of crying so long and deeply there is a place you touch that can only be described as…sweetness? I think the feeling is connected with nostalgia…and to me nostalgia is connected with the mysterious longing to “return home”…to our spiritual home.

This tenuous state can last for years, as it did in my experience…and that is why I think of it as being an “initiation” into higher vibratory realms. To me it is the most difficult thing to go through, with no guarantee of “passing.” I do not wish to discourage you dear Sister, but to rather convey how very close I think you are to the Divine Mysteries!

It’s not a bad place to be (on your knees), especially when your cry is for the Mother! For me the the very thin “lifeline” of help (of Grace)—over time—morphed into the subtle “Kundalini” current in the spine—and then again showed itself as the Divine Mother! 

Perhaps your cries to the Universe will manifest in different ways, but they will be very personal to you.

I hope this helps sweet Sister! My heart is with you! Your Brother

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part I

In 2013, after having been bitten by a deer tic, I contracted Lyme Disease, which turned my life upside down for two years. Having to deal with my fast moving downward spiral of symptoms provided a kind of shattering and “pulverizing-to-the-ego” experience that demanded a way of listening and feeling that I’m not sure I could have learned otherwise. The following post describes my experience.

Connecting deeply with the underlying Bliss Resonance of the body and spinal centers is not necessarily a “step-by-step,” neat and tidy process no matter how diligent we might be in adhering to meditation technique and the guidance and wisdom of ancient teachings and teachers. At least this has been my experience.

During my earlier years as a monk, the sense of belonging to a spiritual community gave me a feeling of security, that I was on the right track moving towards what I longed for: wisdom, Divine Love…spiritual enlightenment.

However, what I had prayed for (with the assumption that meditation practice would in a step-by-step fashion manifest) required a dissolution of my secure and tidy spiritual world view. In other words, my “spiritual” life got very messy! It all came crashing down! And as painful as it was, I intuitively knew that I had to let it all go…the teachings, my narrow attachments to the Guru, the spiritual community…all of it!

This is not to say that I devolved into a life of debauchery or skepticism/cynicism. Rather, releasing my monastic persona and spiritual world view was like releasing a life that came to feel “dusty” and “tired.” I had begun to feel like a bonsai tree, with limbs “wired” into place to look and act like a monk…and with “roots” unable to grow deeply.

Leaving the ashram gave me the “breathing room” to experience life untethered by the narrow constraints (as well as the safety and protection) of the ashram and community “group-think.” However, leaving was a scary place to be, bringing up all the fears and inner “shadows” long hidden beneath the protective facade of my monastic persona. Having released the “secure” and structured lifestyle of the ashram, along with the feeling of free-fall, seemed to allow a wider space for me to feel and to listen to the inner whispers of all my fears, desires and longings.

Years rolled by and the “perfect storm” of ego-pulverizing events occurred when I contracted Lyme Disease in 2013. I went through a hellish two years, during which the feelings of always being sick and exhausted were not the scary parts, as I had a reference point in my life for knowing what it was like to feel sick and exhausted.

What was truly scary for me was the feeling that I was losing my mind…hearing voices, having hallucinations, losing my memory, etc. I felt that I was on a slow/fast downward spiral in which my best efforts amounted to very little on the balance scale of healing.

In my journey of healing from Lyme Disease, I explored many avenues of approach, as the standard of care in Western Medicine (antibiotics) was not enough to rid me of the insidious spirochetes. Among many things, I radically adjusted my diet, used Rife Machine, Edgar Cayce protocols, etc.  However, what finally brought full healing for me was working with certain plant medicines (mainly Uchu Sanango) from the Peruvian Rainforest while going on a 10 day Isolation “Dieta,” administered to by only the shaman.

Working with Uchu Sanango was by far the most difficult and painful experience of my life, as ridding myself of Lyme Disease seemed to require drastic measures. However, since then (2015), all symptoms of Lyme Disease have vanished, never to return! (To be Continued).

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Listening to the Intuitive Voice, Part V

When feeling into the overall sensation of the body, tune into the underlying subtlety of vibration. Notice the shift in consciousness (however slight) as the mind continues to follow/connect deeper and deeper with the subtle waves and pulsations of the underlying “Hum” of the body.

Meditation techniques certainly help in creating the “setting” in which the fine underlying sensations/vibrations can be tuned into, but going deeper and deeper into the subtle realms is not something—I believe—meditation technique of itself is capable of doing.

Here is what I believe happens: once a deep connection with the subtle/ethereal vibrations are viscerally connected with, then meditation technique can be very helpful to go even deeper.

The great irony here is that most meditators begin with the assumption that meditation technique will—in a “step-by-step” fashion—connect them with the Divine Realms. In all my years of meditation practice in the ashram, I had many wonderful spiritual experiences, but the connection with the exquisitely fine Bliss Resonance remained elusive. Neither did I see evidence of that connection with the majority of the Monks that I lived with.

Meditation technique, when focused upon and held tightly to in “step-by-step” process, can create a barrier—however slight—that separates the meditator from the very fine nuances of how the Life Force (Spirit) in the body wishes to move/dance.

The practice of meditation technique does not necessarily lead to a wider energetic space within. The inner “resistance” created by strong attachments to beliefs and assumptions regarding meditation and spirituality builds a kind of force field or “wall” of noise that prevents us from hearing/feeling the subtle reverberations that move just below the surface of our familiar state of being.

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Listening to the Intuitive Voice, Part IV

The idea of “losing oneself in dance” is a visceral experience that I believe is understandable and fairly accessible to many people. Similarly, “being danced by Spirit” can be thought of pretty much in the same way, but with some exceptions. The latter idea connects with deeper and more subtle vibrations and sensations…and does not require the physical playing of music to dance to.

Another exception is that when being danced by Spirit, physical movements may be outwardly imperceptible. Rather, it may be more an inner dance of “micromovements,” delicate movements prompted by an inner response and play with the flow of life force in the body…a push/pull play of contraction and relaxation, perhaps reminiscent of isometric and isotonic exercises.

Now, there are many types of subtle energy dynamics happening in the body all at the same time and I wish to speak of only those that can be viscerally experienced/felt, so as to not divert the attention in mere intellectual and philosophical concepts.

Particular sensations that we may not pay much attention to (but worthy of deep exploration) are the incoming and outgoing breaths. When we endeavor to feel deeper and deeper into the subtle sensations that arise when we tune into our breath, at a certain point there is an inner “get,” a visceral experience and connection with the breath as infinitely subtle waves and pulsations of life force.

The above “explanation” can be expressed in another way: “watch/observe the incoming and outgoing breaths dispassionately.” Now, the concepts of watching the breath, as suggested in different meditation techniques, is simple enough to understand. However, the inner “get,” the deep connection and visceral experience of the “distilled essence” of life force through breath seems to require a slight shift in how we “feel” into our bodies.

I find it somewhat mind boggling that, considering all the years (most of my life) that I “practiced” meditation, that a deep connection with the subtle life force (and its Divine Essence, Bliss) remained elusive!

It wasn’t enough to merely understand meditation technique, along with my intention to “go deeper and deeper into subtlety.” All my “trying harder” and longer periods of meditation also did not seem to help.

(To be continued)

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Listening to the Intuitive Voice, Part III

When listening to music, especially the kind that is easy to dance to, it is not difficult to “get” the idea of being “danced by music.” Now, the idea of being “danced by Spirit” is just a progressively deeper dive into the subtleties of sensations and vibrations created by the movement of life force in the body.

What is being offered here is an initial entry point, using music and dance, to access finer and finer sensations/vibrations that move through the body…and especially the spine. This approach requires a simple noticing of sensations/vibrations of the body and then tuning into the underlying subtlety of whatever is felt.

As you listen/feel into the music, notice how the body naturally wants to move and sway in rhythm to its cadence. However, before getting up to dance, feel into the subtle sensations, into the grand central source that activates the desire to dance.

Then, as you tune into subtlety, notice how the mind naturally goes into deep meditative trance as it tracks finer and finer sensations. Noticing the shift in awareness is important as there is an accompanying inner acknowledgment of the difference in consciousness…from outwardly distracted thinking to inwardly focused moments of “no-thought.”

This acknowledgment of the shift in awareness is important because it provides the momentum to go deeper still. In other words, the noticing and acknowledgment of the mind going into trance provides impetus and reminder to go deeper…and deeper…and deeper yet into subtlety.

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Listening to the Intuitive Voice, Part II

Now, when feeling into any emotion, whether it be a slight irritation, anger…or full blown sadness/depression, the approach of not ignoring the energetic, sensation aspect of feelings is being suggested here: tuning into the visceral, overall vibration of the body when feeling low, in a funk…and then….

Here’s what seems to usually happen: We get emotionally triggered by some circumstance or incident and then the feeling and thought patterns go ‘round and ‘round the gravitational pull of our hurt feelings. We get stuck in thought and feeling loops.

However, something very special happens when we feel into the overall sensation of the body, tuning into the subtle underlying vibration of all feelings, the resonance or hum of Being.

When the mind/awareness connects with the subtle underlying hum, the habitual “circling the drain” feeling/thinking is short-circuited…and then here’s what happens: by the simple focusing upon the subtle overall sensation of the body, the mind is offered a window of opening to “shift tracks,” to one that leads into a deeper trance/swoon.

Now, in allowing the mind to “shift tracks,” the mind is guided to follow the prompts of the body to move, shake, vibrate in ways that dissolves and expels the energy of moods. There are many traditions, techniques and approaches that speak towards this…and the effectiveness in these approaches occur when there is an inner “getting,” when there is the visceral experience of being “danced” by the energetic prompts of the life force moving through the body.

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