The following is something I wrote to someone I have come to know as a dear friend and Sister. She contacted me after reading about my journey of healing from Lyme Disease. My hope is that this can be of help to those who suffer from any chronic illness.
I deeply feel for you Sister! Sometimes it’s so impossibly difficult to navigate this Earthly plane…crazy, wild circumstances…and then to have the additional burden of physical challenges/diseases such as with Lyme. Yeah, it seems that life (Spirit?) conspires to bring us to our knees!
And from that place where we are forced to our knees, when our screams/prayers for help is as from every cell of our body, then—at least in my experience—something breaks (or perhaps opens up) on the inside, allowing us to viscerally experience…Grace! …which can be like the thinnest of lifelines that we can hold to through the darkest of nights!
To me Grace is not just a sentimental abstraction. It is a vibration/sensation. The closest way I can express this is in the abstraction of “Sweet Sorrows.” I imagine that you can understand the experience of crying so long and deeply there is a place you touch that can only be described as…sweetness? I think the feeling is connected with nostalgia…and to me nostalgia is connected with the mysterious longing to “return home”…to our spiritual home.
This tenuous state can last for years, as it did in my experience…and that is why I think of it as being an “initiation” into higher vibratory realms. To me it is the most difficult thing to go through, with no guarantee of “passing.” I do not wish to discourage you dear Sister, but to rather convey how very close I think you are to the Divine Mysteries!
It’s not a bad place to be (on your knees), especially when your cry is for the Mother! For me the the very thin “lifeline” of help (of Grace)—over time—morphed into the subtle “Kundalini” current in the spine—and then again showed itself as the Divine Mother!
Perhaps your cries to the Universe will manifest in different ways, but they will be very personal to you.
I hope this helps sweet Sister! My heart is with you! Your Brother
Now, when feeling into any emotion, whether it be a slight irritation, anger…or full blown sadness/depression, the approach of not ignoring the energetic, sensation aspect of feelings is being suggested here: tuning into the visceral, overall vibration of the body when feeling low, in a funk…and then….
Here’s what seems to usually happen: We get emotionally triggered by some circumstance or incident and then the feeling and thought patterns go ‘round and ‘round the gravitational pull of our hurt feelings. We get stuck in thought and feeling loops.
However, something very special happens when we feel into the overall sensation of the body, tuning into the subtle underlying vibration of all feelings, the resonance or hum of Being.
When the mind/awareness connects with the subtle underlying hum, the habitual “circling the drain” feeling/thinking is short-circuited…and then here’s what happens: by the simple focusing upon the subtle overall sensation of the body, the mind is offered a window of opening to “shift tracks,” to one that leads into a deeper trance/swoon.
Now, in allowing the mind to “shift tracks,” the mind is guided to follow the prompts of the body to move, shake, vibrate in ways that dissolves and expels the energy of moods. There are many traditions, techniques and approaches that speak towards this…and the effectiveness in these approaches occur when there is an inner “getting,” when there is the visceral experience of being “danced” by the energetic prompts of the life force moving through the body.
Filed under bliss, Dropping to Your Center, Higher Self, Kundalini, Love, mind, mindfulness, Observer, Places beyond the mind, Receiving Spirit, trance
When feeling into the overall sensation of the body, notice how the eyes will naturally lift upwards. There is a subtle sensation (in the crown area) created, but not difficult to experience. There is no need for the use of will to lift the eyes…it is just a matter of noticing and feeling the natural uplift that takes place.
I have found that using intention and will to lift the eyes upward (as sometimes suggested in meditation technique), can result in headache…when too much tension builds up in the area of the eyes.
Again, by simply relaxing the eyes and feeling into the overall sensation of the body, the eyes lift by themselves, as though drawn upwards by the gentle “lifting up” energies of the body…and not just the eyes. You may notice how the spine will also, of itself, lift upwards, as though to allow the lifting up energies an unimpeded pathway to the crown area.
The subtleties of the uplifting currents, when felt into, are like the long strands of a spiderweb stretched out and shimmering in the gentle wind, moving like silken threads, reverberating deliciously in the spine!
The approach of feeling into the resonance of the overall vibration of the body has a way of naturally and easily drawing the mind to a one-pointed awareness…an awareness of all sensations felt as one resonance of Being!
A delicate balance point is created as the mind that “holds” to the central core of the overall sensation gives rise to a giddiness or wobbliness of the body…a result of the interplay of contraction/relaxation, stillness/movement, incoming/outgoing breath, etc.
I think of it in this way: the experience of the body/mind/psyche that is focused upon the innermost sensation in the spine is like a play of the finest strands of silk moving in delicious spirals through what feels like the central core of the body.
Feeling into this subtle sensation has a way of naturally interiorizing the mind. Body, mind, breath are “held” as though gently electrified in different postures that allows the flow and overflow of energies to move without getting stuck.
These “postures” taken up by the body are not static, “thought out” positions, but rather dynamic geometries of the body guided by the Life Force, oftentimes in incremental micro movements…like a slow-motion dance!
Any position/posture of the body can be explored to infinite nuance of sensations…and by relaxing and surrendering to the fine vibrations/currents moving through the body, the Divine Dance of micro movements is activated. There is then a noticing of the body moving/dancing, adjusting automatically to the rise and fall of energy.
As the mind/attention focuses upon the current, there is also a noticing of how the mind is drawn inwardly, as though “captured” by the current. It is important to notice and acknowledge the dynamics of what happens when the mind focuses upon subtle sensations, upon the inner current of Life Force.
Another way of thinking about how the mind can be “captured,” is to understand and experience the mind going into trance when using repetition and rhythm…such as when chanting or singing; or when losing oneself in dance.
Ordinarily we don’t pay much attention to what happens when the mind gets drawn into repetitive drumming, or when we surrender ourselves in dance; or when going on long runs. However, if there is an intention to witness the body/mind/psyche going into trance, then the experience of noticing subtle shifts of awareness becomes an open pathway where each subtlety of sensation is like a “breadcrumb” leading to the next subtlety of sensation.
Feeling into subtle sensations is simple enough for anyone to do…and it is a concept that is simple enough to understand. That we can feel any sensation at all offers us a doorway, an opening into realms of breathtaking beauty that we miss only for lack of considering what lies just beneath familiar sensations.
Once this initial resistance (to feeling subtle sensations) is released, it is just a matter of feeling deeper and deeper into what seems to naturally open up. In other words, one release opens up to another, to another, to another…
At a certain point, the experience of the subtle Life Force might be felt as a kind of liquid (nectar) moving through the spine, through the “field” of the body. I think of it as “nectar” because there is a kind of visceral sweetness in its movements through the body.
The buildup of this nectar in the body can create feelings of giddiness that, if ignored, can build up to uncomfortable and even painful areas of stuck energy. Now, the body has different ways of working with this “overflow”: shaking, twitching, flailing, etc. Ultimately, as one learns to relax into this energy, the flow of this nectar becomes like a beautiful dance through the body.
When sensations of giddiness (feeling of “ants-in-the-pants”) reach a certain threshold, the body will automatically start moving in ways to release/channel/balance the buildup of this energy. Similarly, when Kundalini begins to awaken in the spine, the body knows how to move/adjust/release these energies in dance-like movements…if we allow Her to lead.
This requires a deeper kind of listening and feeling into the subtleties of how She wishes to move and posture Herself in the body. If we don’t pay attention to the buildup of Her energy, the “dance” can turn into an uncomfortable and grotesque flailing/shaking expulsion of Her energy that gets stuck in certain areas of the body.
In relationship to Kundalini, the body can be thought of as a conduit of Her Electricity, a distillation of Her Essence…essence of finer and finer energies. In surrendering to Her lead, the body will know how to dance, “squeezing” upward the Divine Nectar, where in the heart the energy is further distilled/churned.
This “dance” with Kundalini creates a very different relationship with our Life Force, with the vibration of all sensations felt as one resonance of Being. When the awareness is drawn inwardly upon subtlety of sensations, it seems there is an automatic expansion/flow of energy…which then creates feelings of giddiness, activating the body to move/adjust in ways that balances out the energies.