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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part X

The main point I wish to convey here is that the problem solving, linear/logical mind, as powerful and important as it is in taking care of our bodies/minds/psyches in our daily lives can, ironically, get in the way of the healing that we seek. It creates huge barriers of judgments, prejudices and dismissiveness when it comes to things outside the narrow spectrum of “acceptable” or quantifiable “reality.”

The logical mind seems to have no trouble on the “playing field” of well defined rules and codes of behavior. For example, in games of sport, there are agreed rules and codes of behavior, with well defined boundaries of “play.” This is something that is engaging and naturally attractive to the mind, because, win or lose, it all makes sense to the mind.

In the realms of medicine, there are massive systems and structures in place that have scientifically tried and proven treatment protocols that have had amazing success. However, with certain illnesses/diseases, such as with Lyme Disease, cancers, autoimmune diseases, etc., science has yet to discover definitive cures.

In my experience with Lyme Disease, in a strange (and even weird) way, it showed me a different way of “looking” at my disease. Initially, my mind desperately wanted to follow a step-by-step medical protocol, to take a regimen of pills and be healed. it wanted a return to “normalcy.” However, I saw and experienced it as a vampiric entity that embedded itself in my body/mind/psyche.

This showed me aspects of the mind that, on one level, has a natural affinity and attachment to familiar patterns in the environment. It is very quick to recognize and judge what it likes and does not like…and what it does not like, or what challenges its predominance, is quick to judge, size up, label and dismiss.

On another and perhaps deeper level, Lyme Disease and especially my “conversation” with the Lyme Entity showed me an aspect of mind far outside the spectrum of normal/familiar for me…and yet any reactivity and quickness to judge and to dismiss the experience did not come up, which proved to be an important part in my ultimate healing.

I came to understand that having strong and quick judgments about things that made me uncomfortable or ill, fostered a dismissive and abrasive mindset that had a way of shutting down my energetic field…which contributed to agitation and restlessness…things not conducive to healing.

In my own healing from Lyme Disease, I cannot say with certainty that the healing protocols that I followed led to my ultimate healing. There seemed to be some unquantifiable intervening steps that took place that created the “perfect storm” of a “healing crisis.”

What I mean by this is that in all the major and minor protocols that I explored and followed, the final one led me to the jungles of Peru to partake in a very strict Uchu Sanango Dieta, during which I was in isolation for eight days, administered to by only the Shaman.

Now, Uchu Sanango is considered one of many “ordeal” medicines by the Shamans of Peru and for me it proved to be the most painful experiences of my life. In my work with other plant medicines, I was quite familiar with strong purgative medicines…but Uchu Sanango was way beyond anything I had experienced before!

Please pardon the following graphic/gross descriptions of my experience. Do not read the following if you are queasy… but I feel it is important to include in my narrative.

On the second day, a number of hours after drinking my cup of medicine at 3am, I had the purge of a lifetime! It was so violent and unrelenting that at one point I was gasping for air, during which at one point the timing of vomiting and breathing in coincided. I breathed into my lungs a large quantity of vomit (medicine and bile) that had been in my stomach for hours!

The pain was so intense that I went into visionary state wherein I felt the Lyme Entity leave my body from the top of my head, like it was being unwound from my shoulders, neck and head. This occurred with facial contortions and vocal hissing. Although I was out of my mind from the pain, there seemed to be a part of me that was able to observe and remember every part of the experience.

My thinking about the experience is this: the searing heat going through my lungs and body made it too inhospitable for the Lyme Entity to remain.

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part IV

When going through the painful and frustrating symptoms of Lyme Disease, I’m remembering that I did not engage much in philosophical meditations regarding the “meanings” and “life lessons” of Lyme Disease. I just wanted to be free of the damn pain and the frustrations of being physically incapacitated!

However, there was always an inner prompt to move towards healing…and (very obviously) away from pain and frustration! This “inner prompt” was my navigation device, guiding me from point to point…and sometimes down avenues that turned out to be “blind alleys.”

Sometimes, doing my best (due diligence) was to simply endure…to just get through painful moments as best I can. Now, I believe this approach helps with any painful physical or emotional challenge. However, with Lyme Disease, to me there seemed to be an extra “something” that required a deeper and vastly different approach in listening and feeling.

With Lyme Disease, that extra “something” manifested to me as what I felt and saw as a kind of tar-like black “goo” that embedded into my shoulder and neck area. When I saw the Spider Man movie, the one where he was being “taken over” by this intelligent black goo, my instant reaction was, “That’s it!” Amazingly the movie captured exactly how Lyme Disease was manifesting to me!

I had realized fairly early on that the standard of care (antibiotics) for Lyme Disease was not going to work for me. It required an approach and mindset very different than what I had been previously familiar with. My mindset required a shift in understanding that Lyme Disease was a powerful and intelligent entity…and in order to rid myself of its debilitating influence in my life would require a medicine/consciousness of greater power and intelligence.

As mentioned previously, this medicine showed up as Uchu Sanango, also known as “Dr. Sanango” by the Shamans of the Rainforest. A day or so after he pulled the Lyme entity out of my body, Dr. Sanango showed up to me in vision. I found it interesting that he showed up as a tall, very cool looking European man, wearing round spectacles. He reminded me of a cross between the actors James Coburn and Leonard Nimoy!

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part II

As mentioned in Part I, I healed from Lyme Disease. The following is a continuation of my Healing Journey.

I did a lot of “due diligence” in trying my best to clean up my diet, to detox myself, exploring alternative modalities (Rife, Edgar Cayce protocols), etc., etc. I also worked with sacred plant medicines (mainly Grandmother)…and all these things helped somewhat in alleviating the most painful symptoms…but for me they were not enough to rid me of what I think of as a kind of Lyme “imprint.”

This is just my way of describing what I could not “shake” from my body/mind/psyche. Although I was able to get to a point of sublimating many of my major symptoms, there was still the deep energetic malaise, severe memory loss, the inability to do any physical exercise or work. This I wasn’t able to release.

I came to understand that doing my best, doing my due diligence was necessary (and helpful), but it amounted to very little on the balance scale of my dance/battle with Lyme. I felt I was on a slow/fast downward spiral!

If I can place numbers as a way to give perspective to what I’m trying to describe regarding my healing journey, it was as if my best efforts amounted to around 10% on the “scale” of healing…the rest, 90%, was Grace of…Spirit? God? Divine?

Lyme forced me to my knees, so-to-speak. I realized I was no match for its power. It was kicking my a$$! Big time! This shattering realization, during a most physically painful moment, dissolved me into a mass of one giant cry/scream for help that seemed to come from every cell of my body!

And help came…along with the understanding of the meaning of… Grace! …And this came with a gut reaction to the immensity of realizing that, “I don’t know sh#t! I felt that I was throwing drops of water on a conflagration that was raging in my body!”

I also came to understand the “entity” aspect of Lyme…that in order to be totally free of it’s grip upon my life, I would need serious help in releasing it from my body/mind/ psyche. This was my experience of how Lyme showed up for me.

The context: In my search for healing, I went to the rainforest in Peru to work with a certain plant medicine (Uchu Sanango) under the guidance of a shaman. I was in isolation for 10 days (administered to only by the shaman). There was three days of intense suffering from the effects of the medicine, but the last two hours of the second day was over-the-top intense! I felt like I was burning up from the inside!

I was screaming and “out-of-my-mind” from the pain…and this is where I came to experience the release of the Lyme “entity.” It felt like being on fire from the inside. I remember snarling and making some bizarre vocalizations…and then the “entity” was pulled out of me, through the top of my head, like it was unwound from my neck and head.

Note: Uchu Sanango is considered one of the “Master Plants” in the Peruvian Rainforest by the shamans. Although it does not have the visionary/hallucinogenic compounds like Grandmother (Ayahuasca) medicine, the intensity (pain) of the experience put me in visionary state whereby I was able to “see” the entity. I believe the entity did not like the intense inner heat. In a sense, my body became too inhospitable for it to remain.

Please understand that my particular experience with Uchu Sanango was not typical. My wife, for instance, during her isolation dieta with Uchu had a very different experience, difficult but not nearly as intense or painful. I would not want to scare anyone from working with this wonderfully healing medicine!

From my perspective now, as I look back at my healing journey, as painful as it was (and pardon me if this sounds cliche), I now see it as having been a great blessing, a baptism by fire so to speak! It was like an initiation that had no guarantee of healing or even physical survival…as I’ve met with others that have not fared as well.

I mention this because to me it seemed that Lyme came as an extreme teaching device…a kind of swim or slowly drown proposition! As helpless as I sometimes felt, there was always an inner prompt that kept me moving and acting towards healing. Sometimes that prompt came as a simple, “get out of bed,” “take one step,” “breathe.” I learned to listen and feel in a way that I’m not sure I could have learned in any other way.

This experience in the Rainforest happened in 2015 and I have not had any recurrence of Lyme symptoms since then.

 

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Lessons of Lyme Disease, Part I

In 2013, after having been bitten by a deer tic, I contracted Lyme Disease, which turned my life upside down for two years. Having to deal with my fast moving downward spiral of symptoms provided a kind of shattering and “pulverizing-to-the-ego” experience that demanded a way of listening and feeling that I’m not sure I could have learned otherwise. The following post describes my experience.

Connecting deeply with the underlying Bliss Resonance of the body and spinal centers is not necessarily a “step-by-step,” neat and tidy process no matter how diligent we might be in adhering to meditation technique and the guidance and wisdom of ancient teachings and teachers. At least this has been my experience.

During my earlier years as a monk, the sense of belonging to a spiritual community gave me a feeling of security, that I was on the right track moving towards what I longed for: wisdom, Divine Love…spiritual enlightenment.

However, what I had prayed for (with the assumption that meditation practice would in a step-by-step fashion manifest) required a dissolution of my secure and tidy spiritual world view. In other words, my “spiritual” life got very messy! It all came crashing down! And as painful as it was, I intuitively knew that I had to let it all go…the teachings, my narrow attachments to the Guru, the spiritual community…all of it!

This is not to say that I devolved into a life of debauchery or skepticism/cynicism. Rather, releasing my monastic persona and spiritual world view was like releasing a life that came to feel “dusty” and “tired.” I had begun to feel like a bonsai tree, with limbs “wired” into place to look and act like a monk…and with “roots” unable to grow deeply.

Leaving the ashram gave me the “breathing room” to experience life untethered by the narrow constraints (as well as the safety and protection) of the ashram and community “group-think.” However, leaving was a scary place to be, bringing up all the fears and inner “shadows” long hidden beneath the protective facade of my monastic persona. Having released the “secure” and structured lifestyle of the ashram, along with the feeling of free-fall, seemed to allow a wider space for me to feel and to listen to the inner whispers of all my fears, desires and longings.

Years rolled by and the “perfect storm” of ego-pulverizing events occurred when I contracted Lyme Disease in 2013. I went through a hellish two years, during which the feelings of always being sick and exhausted were not the scary parts, as I had a reference point in my life for knowing what it was like to feel sick and exhausted.

What was truly scary for me was the feeling that I was losing my mind…hearing voices, having hallucinations, losing my memory, etc. I felt that I was on a slow/fast downward spiral in which my best efforts amounted to very little on the balance scale of healing.

In my journey of healing from Lyme Disease, I explored many avenues of approach, as the standard of care in Western Medicine (antibiotics) was not enough to rid me of the insidious spirochetes. Among many things, I radically adjusted my diet, used Rife Machine, Edgar Cayce protocols, etc.  However, what finally brought full healing for me was working with certain plant medicines (mainly Uchu Sanango) from the Peruvian Rainforest while going on a 10 day Isolation “Dieta,” administered to by only the shaman.

Working with Uchu Sanango was by far the most difficult and painful experience of my life, as ridding myself of Lyme Disease seemed to require drastic measures. However, since then (2015), all symptoms of Lyme Disease have vanished, never to return! (To be Continued).

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